I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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