Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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