I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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