Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
