scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
