She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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