3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
