woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
There was a lot of him and a little penis
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
