I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
