I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
