proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
