I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
