Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
