NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
