Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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