I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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