Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
