Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
