just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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