We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
