I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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