This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
