Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
