Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
