U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
