i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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