from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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