Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I need to align my fucking chakras
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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