Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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