Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
