On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
