Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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