Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
