Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
