She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
