i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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