Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
