she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You pole danced in your parka.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
