She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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