I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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