Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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