Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
