I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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