Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
