My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
