laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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