Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
