i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
