Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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