What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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